Today is the first day of my new blog. Master wants me to blog daily as a way to document my submission. I think it will also open my eyes to changes that I can make to become a better slave. I guess this entry will take care of all of the housekeeping, that is to say I will explain who I am, a little bit about Master, and make an attempt to describe our relationship.
I am a 25 year old nurse in West Texas who has come to a new beginning in life. Even as a child I knew that I was different. I wanted spankings, punishment, and discipline. I pushed limits in order to find what I was seeking without success. My parents never spanked and I was outshined by my siblings in almost every facet of life. They were prettier, funnier, and much worse in the behavior department than I was. I guess I just always felt a little bit left out. As I got older I turned to my romantic relationships to find someone who would give me the structure and attention I so desperately craved. The only problem was that I am quite dominant in almost every aspect of my life so the people who gravitated towards me wanted the same thing I did. They all seemed to want a strong female to take control. You can imagine that with two people wanting to surrender control the relationship is doomed to fail, and they all have. I was married to a man that could not control me, when I pushed he just gave way. It was hard for my 21 year old mind to imagine that my husband, the man that I was supposed to love, honor, and obey just let me walk all over him. I quickly lost respect for him and our marriage ended, without the slightest bit of opposition from him. But that is in the past and while I am grateful for the experience I am not sad that it is over. So after my most recent string of failed romances I decided to try a different route to love. . .
Master is a man of mystery. Ha ha, not really. He is quite straightforward and makes it clear what he wants. The biggest difference between him and all of my others is that he does not settle for what I am willing to give, he makes me give more. He demands obedience and I am more than happy to give it. I have never met anyone like him. He makes me feel like a slut, a good girl, a slave, but most of all he makes me feel supremely desired. I know that he wants a slave, a hard thing to find, and I know that I am one. It’s a match made in heaven, well if you believe in heaven.
Our relationship is complicated and at the same time very simple. We met on an alternative lifestyles website. At the time I wasn’t sure what I wanted, I only knew what I didn’t want. Needless to say, I was feeling experimental. When he approached me he was looking for a submissive to join him and his long time girlfriend. She is also the mother of his children. Boy, we all got so much more than we bargained for. He found the submissive that he so greatly desired and I found two people who wanted to “own” me. We all started a relationship and feelings developed. Unfortunately a polyamorous relationship wasn’t what I wanted. And master was no longer happy living with the woman who merely pretended to be interested in the BDSM lifestyle in order to keep him around. The intricacies of their relationship are far to complicated to explain here. Suffice it to say, they were not happy with each other and only stayed together “for the kids.” Always a bad idea in my opinion. So one night, while we were playing, I asked Master to tell me loved me, even if he didn’t mean it. When said those words my heart lifted. I so desperately wanted him to feel that way about me. He and I never intended to begin a relationship without her in it. But that night something changed and we knew that we couldn’t be happy unless we were together, just the two of us. We faked it for a while, he did it out a sense of obligation, and I did it to stay near him. In my mind something was better than nothing. But it didn’t take long for her to realize that there was more to the relationship than me being a “dutiful submissive” to the both of them. Shortly thereafter Master moved into my house with me. I could not have been happier but the relationship was marred by his guilt about leaving his children so abruptly. So, a week later, he moved back out on day while I was at work. I never saw it coming. I questioned myself, had I not been a good girl, had I not done everything he asked, was I not pretty enough, funny enough? I was flooded with doubt and couldn’t even ask what I had done wrong as I was completely left alone, no contact with this man I loved, this man that I had done “things” for. Things that repulsed me, excited me, scared me. I felt lost and was so disappointed that the first relationship I was truly happy in had ended just like that. No warning. Master was also having thoughts along those lines but could not voice them as he was living under a jilted woman’s thumb. But one day, weeks later, he contacted me. He wanted me still. I was annoyed with myself for wanting him too. I wanted to show him that I was nobody’s fool and I didn’t need him. But my heart made me give things a second chance. Over the last few months we have made many changes. He moved back in with me, after much persuasion, and we have been working on the core of our relationship. Now it is time to more deeply explore the part of our relationship that had to be put on hold while we were establishing our trust. I have known since the day we met that I was meant for him, meant to submit to him. So now we begin in earnest a 24/7 Master/slave relationship. I have fears that I won’t be able to live up to his standards but I know that he will guide me the entire way, he will teach me, and learn from me. We will begin from the beginning and make each other very happy.