Daddy's slave

All about my life as a slave.

19 September 2006

Me and Blogging

Can I just say that I get so frustrated when I look at the blogs that I regularly read and no posts have been made for a while. And now I am that girl, the one who gets so caught up in life that I find no time to post my thoughts. Not that I would flatter myself to think that others get dissapointed when I don't post. The only one who misses it is Daddy, but that is really all I need. Blogs are a wonderful communication tool, I put down my feelings and He acknowledges them when he reads it. What a wonderful thing!! In my last blog I said that I would finish my post about our last play but I honestly don' t think I could do it justice now since it has been so long since it happened. i feel a euphoria after we play but it is almost dreamlike and I can't really remeber everything that happens a few days afterward. But rest assured, it was a beautiful night. i talked a little bit about how Daddy said he was going to make me his piss slut in the last entry and it has kind of come to a standstill from thre, we haven't played at all since then, much less training me to be his piss slut. I don't know how that makes em feel, a little bit dissapointed that we aren't playing but also grateful that I haven't has to drink any piss. Its bizarre to feel both things at once. In His defense we were busy all weekend redoing the bedroom, it is now a much more beautiful place to play! So, not a whole lot to report sadly. I have a new list of "mirror rules" that I am dilligently memorizing. And a whole lot of things are going in vanilla life for me. I am being sued, someone beat the shit out of my brother, and I just found out out that I don't have termites!! woo-hoo

14 September 2006

I Got My Wish

Well, I wanted to play last nite and play we did. Daddy created this evil little device to be used on my tits. It is basically two boards connected by two long screws on either side. When placed over the breasts it is tightened effectively making a boob sandwich. But more about that later. Daddy and I took a shower together last night and He shaved my pussy for me, one of the "mirror rules" is to keep my pussy shaved at all times. He then had me bathe Him, I soaped Him up and gave Him quite the sensual shower. After He was clean I went to bathe myself and He told me it wasn't time for that, instead He had me kneel in the shower while He pissed on me. I can't explain how that makes me feel, my pussy gets wet instanly when I feel His warm stream hit my body, but at the same time I feel ashamed that I like the feeling. Right after He pissed He made me suck His cock clean, forcing me to taste the remaining urine. It has a sharp salty taste and a pungent aroma that I cannot say is at all pleasant. But Daddy told me that He is going to train me to become His piss slut, that I will service Him in that way whenever He chooses. I got butterflies when He told me, I don't want to, and I know that I will try everything to get out of having to perform this duty but it is also a turn on for me to do it when I know that it is what He wants. I want more than anything else to serve Him. I want to please Him, to make Him happy. I want Him to be pleased more than anything else. More about the rest of our scene tomorrow. . .

13 September 2006

I Want To Play

Well, call me greedy but I want to play tonight. Daddy is in the garage working on something new to play with and I can't wait. I'm just worried that He will work on it so late that we won't play at all. I remembered to sign the mirror this morning and avoided more punishment. He gave me five licks with the cane yesterday that left my bottom stinging and a faint bruise to go along with the bruises from the flogger on Sunday. I really hate that cane, it hurts like nothing else. Daddy make me count ever stripe as He gives them to me and I can hardly catch my breath to count. It feels like He is cutting ope the skin on my bottom with every stroke. I sometimes get up and expect to see blood, but that has never happened. Sometimes I wish that I would bleed, I like bearing His marks, His scars. He told me that the next time I forget the punishment will double and keep doubling with every offense. I am not soon to forget it.

I was looking at some photos today of a real life D/s couple and got so excited. There were pictures of her doing pony play and one of them was of her urinating outside. While I am not interested in acting like a pony I do find myself turned on by the thought of having to use the bathroom outdoors. I can't imagine how it would feel, embarrasing, degrading? I'm not sure but sometimes I want to try it. I want to be embarrased and humiliated, but how do I verbalize that? And when it comes time to feel that way I am always so reluctant. Its so hard wanting something and dreading it all at the same time. How do you make those feelings work together?

And Dady told me today that he wants to make a cage for me! I can't wait, I hope it is as nice I I imagine. . .

12 September 2006

It's Been a While

It has been quite some time since I have posted to this blog. Master and I have been going through a rough spot but hopefully now everything is back on track. We played for the first time in weeks on Sunday night. He bound me to the spanking bench, face down, with cuffs on my wrists and ankles. He began by warming up my bottom with a few spankings and then moved on to the flogger. He used the flogger for what felt like 30 minutes. Between lashes He pushed His cock into my dripping pussy until I was near cumming but I found no release. After He fucked my pussy He satisfied Himself with my ass while I was still restrained. My plea's of "No Daddy, please don't" went unheard. It felt so good to be taken that way. To feel once again like I was nothing more than a possession that was to be used. I love that.

Yesterday was Daddy's birthday, we had a fun day shopping for his birthday present but D/s was not really involved at all in our day. He says He wants to work me back into it slowly, and I know that He knows what is best but I find myself desiring to be treated like His slave, I have missed that. And I feel that He cares about me more and that I am more worthwhile when He treats me that way. I feel more secure, like I can give Him something that no one else can.

Daddy wrote my new rules on the full length mirror in our closet for me to read and initial everyday. I have to have all of the rules memorized by the end of every week and He will give me new ones to memorize at the beginning of the next week. This morning, in my rush to get to work, I forgot to initial my rules and Daddy found out. After this post Daddy wants me to be naked in only my collar on all fours on our bed with a cane in my mouth. I hate having to be punished for this mistake, I didn't mean to disobey. But I am also glad that He is following thru with His plan to punish me for my mistakes. I hope that our D/s relationship evolves into one that I have imagined. One that makes me feel my place 24/7, even when Daddy isn't around. I want to be punished every time I mess up, I want to be played hard and often. I want to be caged and chained to the bed when I sleep. Daddy, I think, knows about my desires and I hope He will make them come true. I struggle with being able to ask for these things because I don't feel like it is my place to ask for anything from Him. And it is hard to ask to be "mistreated." Ah, the struggles of a liberated female/submissive. :)

09 August 2006

The Fun We Had Last Nite

Well, I escaped my punishment yesterday. Apparently He saw the light, that although I didn’t do my tasks in order, I did complete them. I did get a stern talking to though and I will not make the same mistake again. After we ate dinner Master invited a couple over to watch us play. He did this without my knowledge but He did tell me before they arrived. They are not into the lifestyle and this was their first experience with BDSM. I was nervous that they would be offended or uninterested in the type of play that He and I engage in. The “session” was mild compared to some. He started off by tying me to the post in our bedroom and using a flogger on my breasts and pussy. I was of course blindfolded and gagged. I felt thankful for the blindfold so that I didn’t have to see their faces. I enjoy the lifestyle that I lead and wish it were an even bigger part of my life but I can’t help but feel a little bit degraded when people who don’t understand it are watching. I like to think that maybe it was His intention to make me feel that way. After a while He turned me around and used the flogger on my ass and back. He also used a paddle and riding crop on me. I found it difficult to get into the head space that normally comes when I knew that there were strangers there. I trust Master not to let anything bad happen to me but those people knew none of our “rules.” They don’t understand that they can’t touch me or talk to me without His permission when I am bound. After a mild “session” Master had me suck His cock and play with the other girl’s nipples while she played with mine. Master fucked me and they played off in the corner of the room with each other when they weren’t standing over us watching the penetration. Again I found myself feeling like an object. It’s a hard feeling to come to terms with. I want to be His object, plaything, sex toy. I want Him to use me in anyway He sees fit, but I also felt a little bit offended that they gave us no privacy while we fucked. After He and I both came I began to get dressed. The other man asked me to wait so the he could look at my pussy. I looked at Master for guidance and He nodded His head so I spread my legs, flat on my back, for this stranger. I felt embarrassed, humiliated. I couldn’t imagine why he would want to examine me in that way. Is there something wrong with me or does he just get off on looking at a girl that way? I’m still not sure. Over all I had a good time and I learned some valuable information about myself. I am not a lesbian; I don’t have a thing for girls. I only enjoy kissing them or playing with them because Master likes to watch me do it. I like giving people a learning opportunity. I like feeling like an object. And most of all, submitting to Him is my most powerful desire.

08 August 2006

Because He told me to

My second entry, I am actually quite surprised with my follow thru. But it isn’t actually my doing at all; I am doing it because He told me to. I love that feeling, I live for it. I love doing things just because He said so. And, admittedly, I am new at this and I keep trying to push him just to see what He’ll do. I was left a list of chores to do around the house and He also put on the list that I could take 20 minutes to masturbate after I got all of my chores done. Well, I will have them all done before he gets home, but I took my 20 minutes somewhere in the middle. I’m curious to see what will happen. I did disobey but I also completed all of my tasks. Will I be punished? Or will He shrug it off, proud that I managed to get it all done? I know that my punishment will be caning, at least I think it will be. That has been the method of punishment lately. I hate that cane, but the prospect of Him enforcing rules already has me tingling with excitement. I will hate it if there is punishment but I will also be grateful that He cares enough to do it. He doesn’t like it either I think. He would rather give pain that I find pleasurable. I am excited about Him coming home; He has told me that we will play tonight. I can’t wait; I wonder what He will do, how I will react. I want to be pushed, I want to be taken farther than I have ever gone, want my endurance tested using new methods. I try to tell Him my fantasies but I don’t even know what they are. I imagine an entire day devoted to my slavery, under His watchful eye. A day where I cry, beg, and scream for His ministrations to end knowing that He won’t stop until He is ready. He is so careful with me; He knows when I am at that point where I can go no further. I trust Him with myself. I belong to Him and He won’t damage His possession.

04 August 2006

First Attempt

Today is the first day of my new blog. Master wants me to blog daily as a way to document my submission. I think it will also open my eyes to changes that I can make to become a better slave. I guess this entry will take care of all of the housekeeping, that is to say I will explain who I am, a little bit about Master, and make an attempt to describe our relationship.

I am a 25 year old nurse in West Texas who has come to a new beginning in life. Even as a child I knew that I was different. I wanted spankings, punishment, and discipline. I pushed limits in order to find what I was seeking without success. My parents never spanked and I was outshined by my siblings in almost every facet of life. They were prettier, funnier, and much worse in the behavior department than I was. I guess I just always felt a little bit left out. As I got older I turned to my romantic relationships to find someone who would give me the structure and attention I so desperately craved. The only problem was that I am quite dominant in almost every aspect of my life so the people who gravitated towards me wanted the same thing I did. They all seemed to want a strong female to take control. You can imagine that with two people wanting to surrender control the relationship is doomed to fail, and they all have. I was married to a man that could not control me, when I pushed he just gave way. It was hard for my 21 year old mind to imagine that my husband, the man that I was supposed to love, honor, and obey just let me walk all over him. I quickly lost respect for him and our marriage ended, without the slightest bit of opposition from him. But that is in the past and while I am grateful for the experience I am not sad that it is over. So after my most recent string of failed romances I decided to try a different route to love. . .

Master is a man of mystery. Ha ha, not really. He is quite straightforward and makes it clear what he wants. The biggest difference between him and all of my others is that he does not settle for what I am willing to give, he makes me give more. He demands obedience and I am more than happy to give it. I have never met anyone like him. He makes me feel like a slut, a good girl, a slave, but most of all he makes me feel supremely desired. I know that he wants a slave, a hard thing to find, and I know that I am one. It’s a match made in heaven, well if you believe in heaven.

Our relationship is complicated and at the same time very simple. We met on an alternative lifestyles website. At the time I wasn’t sure what I wanted, I only knew what I didn’t want. Needless to say, I was feeling experimental. When he approached me he was looking for a submissive to join him and his long time girlfriend. She is also the mother of his children. Boy, we all got so much more than we bargained for. He found the submissive that he so greatly desired and I found two people who wanted to “own” me. We all started a relationship and feelings developed. Unfortunately a polyamorous relationship wasn’t what I wanted. And master was no longer happy living with the woman who merely pretended to be interested in the BDSM lifestyle in order to keep him around. The intricacies of their relationship are far to complicated to explain here. Suffice it to say, they were not happy with each other and only stayed together “for the kids.” Always a bad idea in my opinion. So one night, while we were playing, I asked Master to tell me loved me, even if he didn’t mean it. When said those words my heart lifted. I so desperately wanted him to feel that way about me. He and I never intended to begin a relationship without her in it. But that night something changed and we knew that we couldn’t be happy unless we were together, just the two of us. We faked it for a while, he did it out a sense of obligation, and I did it to stay near him. In my mind something was better than nothing. But it didn’t take long for her to realize that there was more to the relationship than me being a “dutiful submissive” to the both of them. Shortly thereafter Master moved into my house with me. I could not have been happier but the relationship was marred by his guilt about leaving his children so abruptly. So, a week later, he moved back out on day while I was at work. I never saw it coming. I questioned myself, had I not been a good girl, had I not done everything he asked, was I not pretty enough, funny enough? I was flooded with doubt and couldn’t even ask what I had done wrong as I was completely left alone, no contact with this man I loved, this man that I had done “things” for. Things that repulsed me, excited me, scared me. I felt lost and was so disappointed that the first relationship I was truly happy in had ended just like that. No warning. Master was also having thoughts along those lines but could not voice them as he was living under a jilted woman’s thumb. But one day, weeks later, he contacted me. He wanted me still. I was annoyed with myself for wanting him too. I wanted to show him that I was nobody’s fool and I didn’t need him. But my heart made me give things a second chance. Over the last few months we have made many changes. He moved back in with me, after much persuasion, and we have been working on the core of our relationship. Now it is time to more deeply explore the part of our relationship that had to be put on hold while we were establishing our trust. I have known since the day we met that I was meant for him, meant to submit to him. So now we begin in earnest a 24/7 Master/slave relationship. I have fears that I won’t be able to live up to his standards but I know that he will guide me the entire way, he will teach me, and learn from me. We will begin from the beginning and make each other very happy.